i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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