Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
