So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
