Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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