My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hippo gnu deer
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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