Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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