If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
