from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
