someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
