i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
