so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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