also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
