tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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