whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
