loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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