With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
