So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
