well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
