shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
