I am puke
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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