lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
