we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
