Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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