Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
