we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
