I wish I could punch you in the face.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
