I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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