Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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