im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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