I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
