I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
