so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
