please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize