i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
