so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
