Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
