Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize