You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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