Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
