Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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