i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
