i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
