She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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