Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
