Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
