The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
