So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
