I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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