just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
