see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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