Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
