I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
