dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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