That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
