i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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