4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize