Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
