All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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