Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
