Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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