at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
