you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
