Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
