So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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