Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
