i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The air was thick with penises
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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