Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
