I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
