Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
