Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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