after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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