I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
