the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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