u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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