last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how do flat chested girls get laid?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
