What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
