wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
