watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
