the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
