It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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