Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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