Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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